“An Empty Home & An Empty Stomach: My Lifelong Struggle With Eating Disorders” – Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 17

Next up this week is Celeste’s candid self reflection on her struggles with an eating disorder, and how she’s been able to grow and flourish.

My earliest memory of clear dissatisfaction with my body was when I was six years old, pressing my body against the horizontal wood slabs of my bed frame, examining the skin of my stomach poking between the gaps.

By 10 years old, I was methodically tightening my family’s belt collection over my entire torso, desperately wishing the leather would squish my body smaller.

“You are fat, disgusting, weird, ugly, worthless, less than.”

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“Recovered and Still Struggling: Living Life Post ED” – Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 13

Is that really all you’re eating?” is a phrase I’ve been asked countless times. I think no matter how old I am, or where I go, this question will always cause my face to turn red.

Having an eating disorder (ED) can be pretty confusing to those who haven’t experienced one before. When you have one, regardless of its severity, you live in a constant state of self-judgment. Every move you make is monitored by your brain. Whether it’s choosing something to wear, what you are eating, or going into a public place, you are constantly on alert of what you look like to others.

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My Reflection: Days and Nights With My Eating Disorder

“The human body is the best work of art.” ­ Jess C. Scott

There were mornings,

where all the mirrors were covered with a net. One that would catch your projected insecurities, and house them there until they grew too large to ignore. Becoming a permanent part of the reflections they presented. Every time you dare to glance over they would be the first thing your eyes catch, the monstrous voices of self ridicule further exaggerating them in your mind until it was they were only part of your distorted reflection you could think about.

Creative Pieces dear hope