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A Selection of Poems and Art After Losing My Daughter: Peter Bruun of The New Day Campaign

Below are a selection of poems I’ve written since my daughter, Elisif Janis Bruun, died at age 24 of a heroin overdose on February 11, 2014. The drawings I include to accompany each poem I made recently, and to my mind invoke something of the spirit of the poetry.

Ravaged

Her body
has changed
from wire to round to wire
ravaged
from wild cat life
one unmeasured impulse
and the next
spinning spinning spinning
night through day through night
madness and madness and madness again
her body
has changed
from itself to something else and back again
only now
a softly subtle wilting
to eyes
that love her
wanting her well.

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Boys and Girls

The boy
In the beater
Gold-rimmed mouth
Nacho-chip-orange fingers
Lost eyes
Like a flick of a Bic
Ready to ignite
For another cig.

The girl
Pink thong strap
Above the fringe
Of black spandex pants
So easily pulled down
For a buck
And a fix
Teddy bear on the headboard.

In fluorescent corners
Boys and girls
Change hands
Prey and predator
One and the same
Nobody wins
This dance
Without music
Without chairs.

The Walmart goldfish
Still alive
By the framed photo
Of her son
On Santa’s lap
Wanting something else
Anything else.

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Mercy*

Pleasure
is not what holds me
in your room
life smeared across the floor.

You are
rage and raw
pure love and hot pain
a tender contradiction
neck-high in crap
redemption
against my loss and shame.

I am
no less mess than you
wondering what it is to be a man
worth the ground my little feet displace.

You and me
holding pawed hands
as best we can
mercy with every breath.

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*This is an excerpt from a longer poem

 

Peter Bruun is an artist, curator, and founder of the New Day Campaign, an initiative using art programming and public engagement to challenge stigma and discrimination associated with mental illness and addiction, making the world a more healing place. Learn more by visiting his website at http://www.bruunstudios.com/.

I had the pleasure of meeting Peter at Mental Health America’s 2016 conference this past June. He is not only an extremely talented and compassionate individual, but one of the friendliest people I have ever met. Please check out his amazing artwork and his nonprofit work with The New Day Campaign. It’s good to know how much good there is in the world.

Leave Peter a comment below and always remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

PF

Want to submit to Dear Hope and share your story, art, or article related to mental health? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

Follow us for more posts, inspiration and art on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. 

 

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Art Showcase: “Tension” – A Beautiful Discomfort by Corey Marsh

I recently spent a night talking with artist Corey Marsh about his art series entitled “Tension”. The work is simultaneously beautiful and discomforting. Later this week I’ll have a full interview posted with him, but for now enjoy these pictures and a look into the process behind them. Here’s what Marsh had to say.

My latest work has been very much focused on the body, with surreal forms composed of contorted and mashed up hands and other body parts. These are an exploration into my mental health and my emotional state of mind.

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“Hand”

I’ve recently gone through this period in my life where everything came crashing down in a tragically terrible manner. I felt these weird, overwhelming feelings that I’m not sure I know how to accurately describe with words. It was this discomfort and tension that seemed to radiate throughout my entire body. Sort of like that feeling of pins and needles when your leg is asleep – or that itch you can’t scratch because for some reason it’s the inside of your leg that itches. But instead of an itch or a pin poking at me, it was this internal feeling of being pulled this way and that way all at once, like my inner organs and flesh were being tied up in massive uncomfortable knots at the pit of my stomach and in the center of my brain.

It was terrible and the worst part was I couldn’t even accurately describe the feeling. I feel like even now, talking about it, I’m not truly capturing it. So I turned to my art to express it.

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“Backache”

These feelings of unease and distress became so much clearer to me through this new series of work. In my photos, I captured my own body in bizarre poses in the lighting studio back at school, usually tugging at my skin on my back or on my face, creating physical and viewable tension. Then, through photoshop, I layered and collaged these images to create surreal forms and masses that through their bizarre nature of walking the line between believable and unreal added to their discomfort.

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“Flesh”

This new work of mine is a new means of exploring my mental health through my own physical body. In it, I portray what can’t be seen, my state of mind, as if it were just another physical appendage that could use tending to. Too often mental health takes a backseat to physical health. In this series, the two become one.

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“Pulling”

Find all the images from the Tension showcase in the slideshow below. To check out more of Corey’s work find his online gallery here. Be sure to keep up with him on Twitter and Instagram as well.

Always remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

PF

Want to submit to Dear Hope and share your story, art, or article related to mental health? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

Follow us for more posts, inspiration and art on Facebook, Twitter,Tumblr, and Instagram. 

 

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“Confession Through Photograph” A Powerful Series on Depression, Death & Spirituality

“Confessions Through Photograph” is a powerful photography series that details Matthew Malin’s mental health journey through depression, death, and spirituality. Below you’ll read what Malin has to say about the project, along with the photos that will allow you step foot on the path he has walked on this journey of self acceptance.

I was born and raised in a Pastor’s home. Forced to wear a mask from the day I breathed my first breath, I felt like I didn’t have a choice in who I could become. As I grew up and embraced this mask of righteousness, I came upon my first heartbreak. The shattered glass represents my coming to grips with the reality that life, that myself, is broken. This brokenness pushed me into depression and isolation. In the Fall of 2012 I found myself battling demons and almost succumbing to the thoughts of death. I thought death to be a better option than life.

By God’s grace He brought me back to life and face to face with this mask, my inner demons. I had a choice: Would I conform again or fight the devil inside? I’ve spent the last few years running, falling, screaming, and crying for salvation. Ultimately I’m coming face to face with my mask on a daily basis and having to choose to kill it. In these pictures I tear the mask and accept the victory that came through Jesus’ blood.

This entire project serves as a symbolic notion towards the emotional turmoil my heart has endured but the freedom that Jesus can bring to a broken life.

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Many thanks to Matthew Malin for his amazing project. Find more of his photos and writing on his blog “Confessions“. Always remember you are not alone. You are loved. 

PF

Want to submit to Dear Hope and share your story, art, or article related to mental health? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

Follow us for more posts, inspiration and art on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. 

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Artwork: “Life Pain” by Donna Shell

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“I am a 29 year old average Australian Psychology student who has ADD, depression, anxiety and Binge Eating Disorder. I am no artist, but I can dream. I have found an outlet in creating – be it by computer, words, or images.

This image is a visualization of the intense emotional pain that is currently trying to burst out of me all at once. I call it life pain, as it is the accumulated pain and hurt from the span of my life.”

This piece was submitted by the talented Donna Shell. You can find her on WordPress, Deviantart, and Instagram. Find more art submitted to Dear Hope here.

Always remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

PF

Want to submit to this site and share your story, art, or article related to mental health or mental illness? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

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It’s Not All In Your Head. Consumed: Mental Illness Through Photography

What if mental illnesses were shown on the outside?

Would we still be afraid to ask for help?

Since I was 13 years old I have fought depression, anxiety and bouts of insomnia. Since then I have tried to explain what that pain, discomfort, emptiness, and apathetic nature feels like to people. Often the words would come up short, and even the poems, songs, and stories I wrote didn’t seem to fully paint a picture into someones head to make them understand what I was going through. As I increasingly became aware of the lack of education and the stigma that surrounds mental illness and mental health, I thought about trying a different approach.

And that’s when the Consumed: Mental Illness Through Photography project was born.

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Mental Illness Through Photography: Anxiety & Depression (October Update)

What if mental illnesses were shown on the outside? 

Would we still be afraid to ask for help?

Often times I’m asked what it feels like when the depression hits. Is it just sadness? Do you just want to isolate yourself and be alone? I mean yes, it is. But theres so much more. It feels like there’s a hand inside of my head that is pulling on the back of both of my eyes, slowly encasing me in myself. It makes you feel like you want to cry, but for me, no tears ever come. It’s like there’s a black hole sitting in the middle of my chest that is sucking any little bit of life that I have out of me. From the tips of my fingers to the bottom of my feet, I feel everything start to retract. And I go numb. It can happen when I’m in a room full of laughing people who I could consider my best friends. And out of no where it’ll hit me like a truck. And often times all I can do is watch as the truck approaches, caught like a deer in the headlights. I’ll start to slip. And my mind feels heavy with pressure as doubts flood in and I start to question even the most concrete parts of my life.

The text above is from a piece I wrote a few months ago trying to describe what depression, and to an extent, anxiety, feel like to me.

Now. a few months later, not only do I have words to describe what it feels like, but photos. These shots come from my project Consumed: Mental Illness Through Photography that looks to depict different mental illnesses externally instead of internally. Over the last few weeks I spent time with two models to personify the darkness I feel that consumes me on a daily basis.

I hope these photos help you represent what you fight like they did for me, and I hope those who have trouble understanding what anxiety and depression feels like, understand a little more.

See more shots below. Also expect another update on the Consumed photo series next month as I have two new ideas with two more shoots scheduled to continue to personify my interpretation of depression and anxiety. Feel free to follow the site with your email to get updates, or find us on twitter and facebook.

And always remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

PF

Want to submit to this site and share your story, art, or article? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

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Mental Illness Through Photography: Anxiety

What if mental illnesses were shown on the outside? 

Would we still be afraid to ask for help?

The slideshow below is showcasing some of the shots that were taken during my last photo shoot for my project Consumed. As someone who has personally fought both depression and anxiety I looked for a way to personify this invisible illness that no one can see.

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Consumed (Anxiety): A Behind The Scenes Look At The Next Series

The Consumed project continued the other night with the focus this time being on Anxiety.

We worked for 6 hours as a team to bring to life and personify what anxiety would feel like as an external factor instead of an internal factor. I’m so proud of the team and effort and passion everyone involved brought. I couldn’t have done it without them. But while I’m working on the photos post shoot I thought I would share some of the behind the scenes photos taken. Take a look in the slideshow below.

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Find more of the consumed project here. And be on the lookout for more projects and updates as the fall continues.

PF

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What If Depression Was Shown On The Outside?

IMG_3136Ethan Final Form Print

Would we still try to fight it alone?

These were the first shots done in May for my “Consumed” photo project that I’ll be picking up again in September. I’ll be branching out to show different illnesses with different body art in the form of 20 new photos.

What if mental illness was shown on the outside instead of the inside? Would we still try to fight it alone?

Copyright Paul M. Falcone

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