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“Navigating The Fog, My Journey To Accepting My Depression” – Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 11

I don’t really know how or why it all started. I can barely remember when it even started. I was so confused as to why this was happening, but for some reason it did. And now, here I am.

I didn’t understand why I could possibly be feeling this way.

Nothing was wrong in my life, after all.

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Before, and even during my depressive episodes, I always thought that depression could only happen after some sort of serious traumatic event. But that’s not the case. I could go on and on about the stigma of mental illness, but that’s another story that could be discussed forever. The stigma, and the belief that depression isn’t something that just happens, prevented me from getting the help that I needed. For years, I beat myself up over feeling depressed and being suicidal. I told myself that I should just suck it up. After all, I had no reason to feel that way, right?. I lived in a stable household. I went on frequent trips to incredible places. I went to private school and had lots of friends. I had more than enough opportunities to do whatever I wanted. So why did I feel so hollow and numb, with my only desire being to kill myself?

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Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 10 – “Guilt, Shame, and Hope”

Dear Hope,

I want to share some of my experience with depression and how I’ve coped with it.  I write constantly, but rarely for a purpose or to an audience, so I hope whoever is reading this will be forgiving.  I’m not an expert – but I am a survivor.

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Depression takes many shapes and forms, and your experience will be unique.   Personally, I would describe it as my worst enemy, one that wants only my destruction.  I first experienced depression when I was 8 years old and being bullied at school non-stop.  I would sit on the roof of my childhood home, stare at the pavement, and long for death.  Back then, I didn’t fit in anywhere.  I felt worthless.  I thought that if I died, no one would care except my parents and my one (1) friend, who saved me from myself for about a decade without ever knowing I was depressed, just by being there.  I don’t talk to her enough now, we grew up and apart, but she always picks up the phone when I call.  I’ve learned there aren’t many people in the world like that, but that there are some people in the world like that. And I’m lucky to know one.

Coping: This Is Who We Are dear hope
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Consumed

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I launched a new page that details my “Consumed: Mental Illness Through Photography” series. These are the first shoots that will grow to show multiple illnesses with models of different races, genders and identities. Because a mental illness can happen to anyone at anytime no matter who you are.

Find more at the link.

Source: Consumed

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Mental Illness Through Photography: Anxiety

What if mental illnesses were shown on the outside? 

Would we still be afraid to ask for help?

The slideshow below is showcasing some of the shots that were taken during my last photo shoot for my project Consumed. As someone who has personally fought both depression and anxiety I looked for a way to personify this invisible illness that no one can see.

A Lens Into Our World Consumed dear hope
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Consumed: Photography Through Mental Illness (Teaser Video)

What if mental illness was shown on the outside?

Hey All!

I made a small video showcasing what it was like setting up some of the end shots from the photoshoot I posted about yesterday. I really want to start getting more behind the scenes footage to make a full video at the completion of the project in the spring.

For those who don’t know I’m currently producing a photo series entitled “Consumed” that looks to challenge our idea of what mental illness is by portraying attributes of the illnesses externally instead of internally.

If we can make the invisible visible maybe we can start to end some of the stigma that surrounds us all.

Check out the video below, and feel free to subscribe as it’s the official Dear Hope youtube channel!

You are loved.

PF

http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8NPHp_-pls

Consumed
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Consumed (Anxiety): A Behind The Scenes Look At The Next Series

The Consumed project continued the other night with the focus this time being on Anxiety.

We worked for 6 hours as a team to bring to life and personify what anxiety would feel like as an external factor instead of an internal factor. I’m so proud of the team and effort and passion everyone involved brought. I couldn’t have done it without them. But while I’m working on the photos post shoot I thought I would share some of the behind the scenes photos taken. Take a look in the slideshow below.

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Find more of the consumed project here. And be on the lookout for more projects and updates as the fall continues.

PF

A Lens Into Our World Consumed
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Extinguishing the Invisible Fire: Changing the Conversation on College Suicide

Hey everyone.

First off, thanks for welcoming me. I’m so happy to be here. I’ve advocated for mental health for years now after realizing my own struggle and for empathetically stepping into the shoes of those who don’t quite know how to find their voices yet. Paul has done such a wonderful job with these things on Dear Hope. You all have done a wonderful job in fighting your own struggles and doing what you can to find your places and raise awareness. For this, I thank you immensely. Change starts with emotions and ideas. Fires start from sparks. The smallest seeds grow into the largest trees, and  you are all much larger seeds thank you actually think you are. Your potential is endless and I hope that we here at Dear Hope can help you realize that.

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On that totally hopeful and optimistic note, let’s discuss something I’ve dealt with lately-suicide.

Now, the intent of education is not to sugar coat. The world is unfortunately not covered in chocolate frosting. Negative and detrimental issues exist both in our society and on a global scale.

Suicide is one of these issues.

Article dear hope
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My Journey Accepting Bipolar Disorder: I Don’t Need to Be Medicated

This piece comes as a submission from an anonymous source who wishes to share their journey and experience with bipolar disorder. Find their touching path to acceptance below.

Around the time I was thirteen, I knew something was off.

I didn’t feel like myself; it felt like every problem in my family or my eighth grade friend group was weighing down on my shoulders. I felt the awful pain every time bad news came my way and I spent more time crying that I did laughing.

Could it have been the constant fighting between my parents that struck emotional episodes and tantrums?

Was it the fact that puberty was hitting and I was finally realizing that I wasn’t like the other kids from my small suburban town?

Was it the constant back and forth of my foster cousins living at my Aunt’s house?

Could it have been the teasing and mocking about my bushy eyebrows, stupid hair that never quite fell into place, or bad clothing style?

I still don’t know exactly what started it,

but when I was thirteen I began cutting myself.

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Dear Hope Is Expanding, Meet The New Editor!

Hello Everyone,

It seems as my life continues to get more busy and complicated the website is continuing right alongside doing the same. In the last six months we’ve gained a lot of momentum and created a community that is engaging, empathetic, understanding, and willing to hear and learn from each other. It makes me proud looking at what we’ve accomplished so far.

So I want to keep going.

10176116_10206246596547066_7865623685647307170_nBesides community submitted pieces you deserve to read different news and articles about what is going on in the world today about mental health and your well being. I have to decided to bring on another editor to the site who will help me in finding and publishing content to keep the ecosystem alive and breathing, and he is someone I know very well.

Meet Danny. (Pictured on the far left next to me)

Danny and I have known each other for 4 years and currently live in the same apartment during our last year at the college we are attending. Danny is as passionate and driven to advocate for mental health (among many other things) and will be a great addition to helping us destigmatize and educate those who are willing to listen.

Danny has already submitted to the site twice with his own “Coping: This is Who We Are“ story and a piece of poetry he wrote entitled “Arachnophilic“. Be sure to check them out and give him some love.

I hope you all welcome Danny with an open mind as a new voice enters this world we share, and look forward to hearing a piece from him over the next week! If you’ve been thinking about submitting to the website now is a good time as well, as we only have a few submissions left in the queue. Share with your friends and invite them to share their stories, because as the community grows, the understanding of these illnesses does in unison.

You are loved.

PF

Want to submit to this site and share your story, art, or article related to mental health or mental illness? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

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A (Big) Milestone: An Update From The Author

Hello everyone!

I apologize if things have seemed quiet as of late, I’ve been recovering from a surgery I had done on my dominate hand and have recently started my final year at my university. But I have some great news.

We have hit over 10,000 views on Dear Hope. 

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Ten THOUSAND views in a little over half a year. If you had told me this was going to happen back in February I would have never believed you.

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