Dreams have always been an interesting concept to me, mostly because I never remember mine. Sometimes I wish I did, but than again I don’t remember nightmares either. I like to think that my mind is so busy during the day because it never exercises itself while I’m asleep. It just goes to show that dreamers of the day are dangerous men.
I can admit I think too much for my own good. So much so that it keeps me up most nights. Every time I lie down it’s a battle just to silence myself. I want to believe it’s because I don’t dream. I can’t dream. I don’t know how. It’s difficult for me to accept that one moment I’ll be lying in bed trying to sleep and before I know it I’m waking up. Like no time has passed at all. Without dreams to bridge the sleep it becomes meaningless.
It becomes nothing.
Why would my brain want to stop working?
The passage above is taken from a short story I wrote last year that discusses a lot of different elements of my history with insomnia, depression, and anxiety. This passage in particular has always been something that has kept me thinking for a long time. The relation between the ability to dream and being able to sleep.
Since I was a teenager I have not been able to remember dreams well. I’ve tried writing them down the few times I did have them, but more often than not I would wake up only remembering the moment before that I was trying to fall asleep.
This bothers me.
I’m a thinker. I like figuring things out and I like solving problems. But this was something I couldn’t wrap my head around. I would sit in bed, almost anxious, knowing that at any moment I would wake up having slept hours away in the night. This was and is a huge part of my insomnia. I’m unable to let go and just drift to sleep because I am trying to figure out why that happens.
Luckily lately I’ve been remembering a lot more dreams and haven’t had a bad period of insomnia in a while. I’m enjoying it for now, but aware that it could come creeping back at any time. Sleep and dreams for me are an intricate puzzle that I may never have the answers too.
Maybe I do just think too much.
But it makes me think.
Are those who dream vividly better sleepers?
I like to think that those of us who are able to dream every (or most) nights find sleep easier than those who don’t. They have another land, another life even to go to outside of the physical one they exist in. Time can freeze, speed up, or move at a normal pace. As opposed to not dreaming, where you lie down trying to sleep and wake up from the black of your eyelids. Where no time is felt at all.
The concept of time, while abstract, does ground us in a reality. And that reality for me personally is shattered when I realize my brain “shuts” off for however long I sleep. Like mentioned above in the passage:
Without dreams to bridge the sleep it becomes meaningless.
It becomes nothing.
Besides letting your body recover and keeping you healthy. But that’s not important right?
Comment below with your experiences with insomnia and dreams.
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