To my children,

I know our lives haven’t gone as you wished. Early in your lives you found out your mother had BiPolar Disorder. A mental disorder that you were too young to understand at that time. I didn’t even understand it at first. I was just a young child when it surfaced.

I lived this way all my life and it was a lot milder so you weren’t subjected to a lot of craziness you didn’t understand. I thank God that he waited until you were old enough before things started getting really messy and your understanding and help was needed.

I know you needed a mom who was there for you through thick and thin and I did my best to be that person. It wasn’t easy. I had to put aside the feelings inside of me, my dear children, in order to help you grow up and into productive adults. Unlike your mother who suffers constantly from Bipolar Disorder.

I feel that I wasted my life because I couldn’t cope with a regular life. I didn’t go for my dreams, too scared. I didn’t make you my priorities like some moms because I was taking care of myself. I was falling apart little by little.

I do my best to attend family get togethers even if I am not feeling up to it and would rather isolate in my bedroom. I love that you guys try to get me out of the house and into doing something with you and my well-loved grandchildren. Believe me I love you all even if sometimes it doesn’t seem that way since I am nurturing myself.

I know some of you do not understand mental health, but I also know that you love me and wouldn’t leave me to struggle alone if I needed up. You guys are there for me when needed.

And I want to make you a promise. I promise to never, ever try to take my life again. I saw the terrible hurt and pain in your faces and the tears and I can’t do that to you. I promise to seek help if ever I feel that way again.

Thank you very much for being my beloved children, I love each and everyone of you.

Love,

Your Mom


This submission comes from Tessa who also runs an amazing blog on advocating for mental illnesses, be sure to check her out.

Always remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

PF

Want to submit to this site and share your story, art, or article related to mental health or mental illness? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

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26 comments

  1. You can feel your emotion in every word. I’m sure this journey has been tough for both of you, but it must be relieving for you to get this all out (and hopefully for them to hear it!). Stay strong Tessa. You’ve been so strong even in your weakest moments. You are capable of so much more than you know and everything that you’ve regretted or deemed a mistake will only enrich your life in the long term. We are all here for love and support 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A very touching piece of letter. I know that it must been very difficult writing this to your children. You are a strong warrior who have gone through endless battles!

    Like

      1. I know that it can be tough and tiring, but for me who is currently going through my depression, I try to find the little things in life that makes it worth it.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m a mental health worker, and read Letters From a Bi-Polar Mother in one sitting. Mental Illness is difficult to understand – and the actions of a person in a manic state of bi-polar are absolutely incomprehensible, even to someone like myself, who has at least a clinical understanding of the disorder.

    Like

  4. Minus the suicide attempt, this was my mother who can barely share in her families joy today. It saddens me she can hardly relate. I can only love her from a distance. She can hardly share in my successes, but I know she’s proud and I know she sacrificed a lot for us. I love you Mom!

    Like

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