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The Deadly Promise

The Deadly Promise

The real me is disguised
by this massive unwanted weight.

Staring blankly into the glass,
praying to be given the most
valuable quality, that of perfection.

I don’t need anyone.
All I need is you.

My happy little addiction,
sweeping me away into your
false, troubled world.

The more withered I get,
the stronger you and I become.

Together we are reckless,
doing anything it takes
to be empty and accepted.

I can never be too critical
you always leave room for my improvement.

You promise me joy.
So I follow you willingly
into the depths of disappointment.

It’s never enough for you.
Therefore it’s never enough for me.

I signed your contract,
because I worship your
ability to beautify others.

Make me like them, my friend.
Transform me into something magnificent.

 

This poem was submitted by Kelsey-Brooke Scheumann.

Remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

Want to submit to this site and share your story, art, or article related to mental health or mental illness? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

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“Being a Twin With Anxiety: My Challenge With Isolation and Inadequacy” – Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 14

Anyone can be lonely.

Even those with all the friends in the world can still feel like they are all alone amongst the sea of friends in a group. A lot of the time, that’s just how I feel – kinda like the smallest fish in a school of fish – there, but not really noticed. Hell, I came into this world with a built in best friend who looks like me, and I still feel alone more often than not.

It’s been like this since around the time I started middle school. It’s gotten much better over the years, but I feel like I have not been able to shake this feeling. Looking back now, I can see just how stupid I was for letting little things that didn’t matter affect me as much as they did. But back then they were anything but little things.

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Mental Health, Music, and Community: An Interview With Sounds and Tones Records

When I talk about my personal journey with mental health, music is something that is seldom left out. Music was one of the first ways I personified and expressed what I was feeling. It was a way to cope with my depression and anxieties, and a great way to feel like I belonged. It gave me my own microcosm of a community. One that I felt a part of. 

But the scene isn’t always a welcoming place (especially depending on the genre), and different labels and artists can often come under fire for the ways bands and artists portray themselves and what they preach.

Sounds and Tones Records is not one of those labels we have to worry about. 

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Monday

So on a rainy day this past summer, I woke up with depression at its finest, where it was one of those days where I felt so drained of energy that I definitely was not going to be able to go to work. I called out, slept for most of the day, and managed to write this. I hope it can be relatable to those of you having a bad day, or those of you who may have felt similarly. Here’s “Monday”-

I’m not taken aback by the beauty of the sun or moon.

But that’s okay, at least I’ve learned in time that there are very little differences between objects labeled mine and days considered wasted time. Entitlement is a false concept paralleling a religious purgatory.

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Dear Hope is Expanding Again, Meet Alaina!

I’m incredibly excited to say that we are bringing another person onto the Dear Hope team, Alaina Leary. Alaina attended the same college as Danny and I, and is now studying for her master’s degree in Publishing at Emerson College in Boston. She lives with her girlfriend and their two cats, and often writes about the experience of being a queer women and in a same-sex relationship.

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Alaina is a rape survivor, and originally wrote a post for Dear Hope about that experience. It’s important to her to use writing not only as a tool for her own healing, but as a way to show others that they aren’t alone. She believes that giving a voice to these issues can also raise awareness about rape culture and consent, and she is a strong advocate for teaching informed, enthusiastic consent to the masses.

As an editor for several online and print publications, Alaina wants to contribute to Dear Hope by assisting with submissions, editing, and social media management. She assists with social media activity for several other magazines, including a literary magazine focused on mental health topics. She believes that the internet is a great platform where everyone can be heard and form a community. She will also be contributing articles, features and profiles, service pieces, personal essays, and creative writing.

I’ve had the privilege of working with her on multiple projects, and she most recently did an interview about me, the website, and my photography project for Germ Magazine (Seriously, check it out, her writing is incredible). I can’t wait to see how her networking skills and undeniable writing talents strengthen our community.

So give Alaina a warm welcome and be on the lookout for new posts signed AL.

You are loved.

PF

 

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“Recovered and Still Struggling: Living Life Post ED” – Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 13

“Is that really all you’re eating?” is a phrase I’ve been asked countless times. I think no matter how old I am, or where I go, this question will always cause my face to turn red.

Having an eating disorder (ED) can be pretty confusing to those who haven’t experienced one before. When you have one, regardless of its severity, you live in a constant state of self-judgment. Every move you make is monitored by your brain. Whether it’s choosing something to wear, what you are eating, or going into a public place, you are constantly on alert of what you look like to others.

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“Finding Worth: A Story of Losing Something I Never Lost” – Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 12

So basically, this story might bore you. To be blunt, I’ve never felt suicidal, I’ve never messed with drugs or alcohol, I’ve never even thought about writing out my story until I realized that all pain is pain. Everyone struggles with it differently and everyone has different ways of coping with it. This story is for the people who feel like they have no story to share.

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My Mental Illness Is Part of Me, But Not Who I Am

Who are you?

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This is a question that we like to avoid. It may be the question that we are always avoiding. There is so much weight to those three words that you can’t help but feel them hit you as your ears and brain correspond to decipher the message. Sure, there are some out there who could stare straight into your eyes and answer with immediate confidence. But for most of us, the journey to self discovery is one full of trial and error, highs and lows, and years and years of experience.

But for those of us who fight a mental illness, the path to discovery becomes even more complicated. How can we define who we are when we often feel that we are two, separate, distinguishable people?

Does my mental illness define me?

What side of me is the real me?

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My Reflection: Days and Nights With My Eating Disorder

“The human body is the best work of art.” ­ Jess C. Scott

There were mornings,

where all the mirrors were covered with a net. One that would catch your projected insecurities, and house them there until they grew too large to ignore. Becoming a permanent part of the reflections they presented. Every time you dare to glance over they would be the first thing your eyes catch, the monstrous voices of self ridicule further exaggerating them in your mind until it was they were only part of your distorted reflection you could think about.

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