Darkness. All I could see was darkness.

I can remember sitting on my bed staring at the ceiling as the sensation of the sheets below me slowly began to fade away. There was light in the far corner that illuminated some shallow alleyway of my life. But as for the rest, darkness. My eyes were hollowed out. Any liquid that would mix into tears had accumulated and gone back behind my eyelids, drowning my thoughts in a salty mix. Each hand lay still beside my body, barely moving with the still breaths that came with the rise and fall of my chest.

My body shook as if it were cold, but no goosebumps could be found on my bare skin. A galaxy had collapsed within itself just below my chest cavity. A black hole resided inside of me. Sucking the life from every extremity. My fingers and toes went numb. And I was soon flooded with apathy. A wave crashed over me and I had no strength to fight.

I drowned.

Quietly. 

Quietly and all alone.

And somewhere in that corner, illuminated by light. I screamed.

But the waves drowned out my voice. Defeated, beat down, and tired.

No one heard me.

So I watched my demons swing and dance before my eyes.

Waiting for the curtains to fall so I could drift asleep.


 

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10 comments

  1. So powerful, Paul. Thank you for this post. I can certainly relate and your words have encapsulated my hopelessness and despair better than I EVER could. Hat tip to you my friend. May you continue to find peace when you’re in your valley.

    -Chris

    Like

  2. What an optimal description of depressive despair. I relate to the point of apathy. I just wish I could transcend it or rise above it. In the middle is the worst place to b4e.

    Liked by 1 person

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