More than all the bad things in the world
what I hate the most is myself

How are people supposed to understand how I feel
If I don’t even understand how I feel

I wish people stayed in my life
People come and go, but never stay
Even the people who I thought would always be by my side
Seem to disappear.

I start to creep away from friends
Quietly
Maybe even shutting them out
Sometimes it’s better to stay in the shadows

We say we’re fine
We say we’re just tired
People just don’t care
To see the scars and emptiness within us
People don’t care
To see through the lies

I try to cry
I’m sobbing on the inside
But on the outside
I’m too depressed to even cry

People don’t seem to recognize pain
It seems that they recognize flaws

Depression takes over our body
Changing us into different people
I am still in here
But where?

All I want to do is help
It’s just a matter of who needs helping
Sometimes the only person who I can’t help
Is myself

People go
People come
Real friends care
Fake ones don’t

The one thing I want
Is the one thing I can’t have

Positivity

If there is none of that
There is nothing

I don’t know what to think anymore
There are so many thoughts running through my head
It is impossible to only focus on one

The world is my enemy
Demons start to creep out of the shadows
Taking me over
Never letting me see the light again

You don’t know anything about me
My life is made out of lies
The real truth is buried deep inside my dark body
Hidden forever

The love is a source of this pain
The people I love
Don’t know that I do
Never help
They just don’t care

My body is numb
Like rock
Cracking
Crumbling
Always breaking

Real life is a spark
I’ve been searching for it for as long as I remember
Never finding it

I remember
Every flaw
Every time somebody yelled my name in anger
I remember it
Like it just happened

I just think
Why
What did I ever do to deserve this

And then I know
I know everything
I know what people see on the outside
The monster that I am
The monster that I am losing control of

This is a broken world
Filled with broken people
Once I feel like this
I finally see reality
How broken I am
How broken this world is

Every time I go
Every time someone calls me a bitch
I walk away
And simply sit
And think
Because there is nothing else to do

It’s a nightmare
Only I’m not asleep

Every morning I wake up wondering
If I die
Who will care
Who will miss me

I’m in a box
It’s like a regular cardboard box
Only it’s steel
With the openings bolted shut

It’s just a matter of time
When will it go
If it ever does go
I could stay here for a day
A week
A month
A year
A decade

Medications are factory’s creation
Depression is God’s

I start to question life itself
Question everything around me
Question God
Question friends

These are just letters
Before I could not express how I really feel

Now I can

---

 

This poem was submitted by Elie Zimring. You can find more of his work on his website.

Always remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

PF

Want to submit to Dear Hope and share your story, art, or article related to mental health? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

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