Your insecurities are a treasure map to confidence
Growing up, I was insecure to the point where my insecurities looked like insanity. I took those insecurities and literally shredded them into oblivion, shredding them apart just a little so I could see the light. Just to get a small bit of relief.
Well, the light was strong enough to force much of them away. This was because your insecurities can lead to a unique way of loving yourself, further leading to a different type of story that people want to hear.
I always wanted to be something that I wasn’t. This got to the insanity-looking part when I was a teenager. My insecurities started and surrounded upon being smart. I thought I was unintelligent and that there was no hope for me even if I studied harder. I did sports and thought I was terrible at them. I just thought that I wasn’t good at anything and that my friends were perfect, including one friend in particular from childhood that I thought was perfect up until I was a teenager.
I always wanted to be outgoing because I thought that being outgoing was beautiful. I hated myself for being shy. I grew up and came out of my shell a little. I was finally being the outgoing person I always wanted to be.
Then came the bad part: Suddenly my brain said to me, “Well actually, being shy is the beautiful one. You really shouldn’t be outgoing.” So here I was, coming out of my shell, being more outgoing like I always wanted, and then looking at myself with hatred for reaching my goal. I dreamt of being this way, and now my mind was ruining it. I let it. I let my mind ruin my own dreams.
This went with many aspects of myself through the years. Finally, I looked at my insecurities. I thought, “How does this happen? How can I go from wanting to be something, and then hating it just because it’s an aspect of me?” I went to therapy and I learned a skill: Changing your perspective.
Basically, changing your perspective means that you take things you don’t like about yourself and twist them around, like walking in some confident person’s shoes if you will. Some confident person who is just like you.
This realization happened suddenly. I was working with someone who was shy, and I was going to work pretending to be outgoing just the way I wanted to be. I noticed her instead of noticing my own self-loathing. When I noticed someone else being shy, I suddenly was okay with my own shyness because I liked the way she acted. It’s easier to love others than to love yourself, I believe. So I opened my eyes and saw people like my true self and channeled their confidence.
Learning to change my perspective didn’t help me on its own. I had to know this mindset existed and then it subsequently opened my mind, followed by seeing this girl who was just like me. This was when I quickly realized that there is some use in my unique insecurities. I have gone through wanting to be shy when I was outgoing. I have gone through wanting to be outgoing when I was shy. I have gone through wanting to be tall when I thought I was short. Wanting to be short when I thought I was tall. I have literally felt the pain of wanting to be so many things a person can be. It’s like I have felt all the insecurities of the world. I feel your pain if you think you’re too short, and vice versa if you think you’re too tall. The pain was all I realized the whole time.
Eventually I realized the light in this whole thing, and it was all because of the skill of changing my perspective and opening my eyes to the beauty hidden in everything. I have seen the beauty in so many aspects of a person. I never before understood that while I felt pain, I also noticed beauty. I know what it’s like to be a person who sees the beauty in being shy, but I also know what it feels like to love being outgoing. I know what the pride feels like in being shy at certain moments and I know the pride in being outgoing in others. So instead of letting my mind dictate me, I turned its evil back on itself.
“I am a tall person,” I say to myself.
“Well, only being short is beautiful,” my brain says to me.
“Oh, silly brain,” I reply. “You’ve already told me how lovely it is to be tall a long while ago. You have scarred thoughts of inadequacy into me when I thought I was too short.”
I channeled the way my brain scarred me. Now I remember that beauty instead of only hearing the negative yelling of my brain. Everyone has their own insecurities. Inside of each insecurity lies a way to overcome the feeling.
So, now I look at everyone and applaud their own internal pride, and I ask that everyone love themselves while also noticing the beauty in others. If you are okay with yourself for being outgoing, find the beauty in being shy so the love can go around forever. We love others when we can love ourselves, but loving what you don’t have when you see it on someone else can help someone else love themselves. But you have to love yourself first.
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Always remember you are not alone.
You are loved.
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