Pull the Trigger

Verse:
When all our questions
jump right out us
and run,
We’ll feel so inspired,
we’ll never feel higher-than-now.
“Watch for suggestion.
New direction,
At once!”
But whispers inside
say, “you’ll trip when you try,”
that amounts.

Chorus:
Take a chance.
Pull the trigger.
No clue what will become,
Nothing’s there to be won
When you wait.
How’d you figure?
Take a chance.
Pull the trigger

Verse:
Time is an essence
Effervescent
And young.
All the more that transpires
Leaves you wilted and tired
While there’s less left to live
To do what you desired.

Chorus:
Take a chance.
Pull the trigger.
No clue what will become,
Nothing’s there to be won
When you wait.
How’d you figure?
Take a chance.
Pull the trigger.
Come to life.

Bridge:
Wonder.
Will what will become.
Make your mark.
Take your time.
No point
In holding on
Tightly to what’s
Left behind.
When world bolsters up,
Then you fight.
It won’t always pay out
On the inside of right.
If you focus too hard
You’ll get stuck on the “what” you’ve defined
In your mind.

Chorus:
Take a chance.
Pull the trigger.
No clue what will become,
Nothing’s there to be won
When you wait.
How’d you figure?
Take a chance.
Pull the trigger.
Come to life.

 

“Pull the Trigger” is a continuation of Identity for me.

Many people loved that song best from our debut, but it was actually my least favorite. I think I finally understand why: It reminds me of the hatred I couldn’t begin to understand behind the eyes of my perfect self/that I still won’t look into. How much it is to disallow what is simply human had become: It wore a face; it had a name; and it was None.

I’m writing this song to try to provide insight into my human experience; if you identify with this, you have a capital Right to that. The moment you deserve is to live a life of your very own. You can be “crazy” in whatever way you choose.

Being gay doesn’t come easy to everybody. It might come to you as a surprise that some people refuse it all their lives. That rush of sex is a forbidden treasure they can’t pursue. Idealogical fear distorts their perception, making them act against their interest (sometimes for good reasons). They’re not the ones you think you know when they’re alone.

“When all our questions…” hints at that moment where you’ve never felt more certain of yourself. It’s a rare feeling when you’re struggling with anxiety because “whispers” flood your mind immediately. Sometimes I award myself my obsessive compulsive neuroses, but some are toxic, like never picking something to pursue. I hope for music and I’m good at math, but never deciding is what kills me, and I know it. Sometimes I make an effort to do both.

An allusion to suicide, “Pull the Trigger” acts as a metaphor for making a strong decision. Coming out for me was the strong decision that changed my life for the better. It meant a change from being what others want for me, to shaping my own identity. I struggle with finding the “who” I want to be. It has its own set of challenges, but it’s better than hiding from who I am.

If you’re ever struck with the feeling that living would be better if something were true, then you should act in the interest of that something; make it so. Don’t give up because you love you when no one else does. Continue because you would miss you in their shoes.

I hope you find that feeling to be something to hold onto.

Happy Pride Month.

 

This song comes from Christian DiMare, the lead singer of Sleep Season and a wonderful new member of our community. We are so happy to end out June, Pride Month, with this submission. Give some love and good words to Christian in the comments!

Always remember you are not alone.

You are loved.

Sandra

Want to submit to this site and share your story, art, or article related to mental health? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com

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