Today, our fourth installment of Eating Disorder Awareness Week is two poems. The first, posted below, is from Kelsey-Brooke Scheumann, who submitted a poem titled ‘The Deadly Promise” to Dear Hope in the past. ‘The Fine Print’ picks up where the previous poem left off.
You lied to me.
I fell for your twisted game.
I signed your contract.
Bond to you, for years.
I traded in my friends,
my joy, and my youth
to keep our deadly promise.
How do you tell your story when you don’t know where to start?
How do you write your story when it only breaks your heart?
How do you find the answers when they really don’t exist?
How do you understand why your life turned out like this?
To my children,
I know our lives haven’t gone as you wished. Early in your lives you found out your mother had BiPolar Disorder. A mental disorder that you were too young to understand at that time. I didn’t even understand it at first. I was just a young child when it surfaced.
I lived this way all my life and it was a lot milder so you weren’t subjected to a lot of craziness you didn’t understand. I thank God that he waited until you were old enough before things started getting really messy and your understanding and help was needed.
I know you needed a mom who was there for you through thick and thin and I did my best to be that person. It wasn’t easy. I had to put aside the feelings inside of me, my dear children, in order to help you grow up and into productive adults. Unlike your mother who suffers constantly from Bipolar Disorder.
I feel that I wasted my life because I couldn’t cope with a regular life. I didn’t go for my dreams, too scared. I didn’t make you my priorities like some moms because I was taking care of myself. I was falling apart little by little.
I do my best to attend family get togethers even if I am not feeling up to it and would rather isolate in my bedroom. I love that you guys try to get me out of the house and into doing something with you and my well-loved grandchildren. Believe me I love you all even if sometimes it doesn’t seem that way since I am nurturing myself.
I know some of you do not understand mental health, but I also know that you love me and wouldn’t leave me to struggle alone if I needed up. You guys are there for me when needed.
And I want to make you a promise. I promise to never, ever try to take my life again. I saw the terrible hurt and pain in your faces and the tears and I can’t do that to you. I promise to seek help if ever I feel that way again.
Thank you very much for being my beloved children, I love each and everyone of you.
Love,
Your Mom
This submission comes from Tessa who also runs an amazing blog on advocating for mental illnesses, be sure to check her out.
Always remember you are not alone.
You are loved.
PF
Want to submit to this site and share your story, art, or article related to mental health or mental illness? Email wemustbebroken@gmail.com
The more you know about this world
the angrier you’ll become.
So don’t believe the words
but stay true to what’s at heart.
Don’t confuse fate with reason,
Don’t let anything destroy our hope.
–
The clouds we walk are ever-changing
until we find how simple it is.
–
This was the ending part of a song entitled “Dear Hope, Never Let Us Part” that this blog is based off of. Feel free to read the full lyrics and hear the song here.
Dear Hope 